i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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