Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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