So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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