the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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