Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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