Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
