I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize