somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
