She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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