i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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