Too much gin, very little bucket
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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