I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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