i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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