Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
