Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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