My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
