I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
