My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
