he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
