mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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