who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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