I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
