saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
