Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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