btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so let's talk penis.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
