The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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