All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
