Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
