I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
