U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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