Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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