I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
