New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
