Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How does one acquire holy water?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize