I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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