Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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