just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize