woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
