If i come over, it means nothing
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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