just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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