Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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