The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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