I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Drake has all the answers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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