i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
