first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
