She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
