belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
