1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
