it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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