Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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