you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
