dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
