Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
