Buhtt sex?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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