Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
