Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
