she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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