9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Even my vagina gasped.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
