This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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