Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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