I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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