Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
