My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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