So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
