last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
