HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
