guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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