are you so shy because you have an std?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
