i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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