I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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