Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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