I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
