it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
