i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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