somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
