Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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