i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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