my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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