she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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