matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
