you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
