can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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