he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize