I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
