you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
