dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can I color on your dick again?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
