I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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