PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
