You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
