I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
